Thirteen Things They Won't Tell You
by Izu3039
Summary: Compilation of random lists of what the nations want you and the others to know, but refuse to say it out loud.
1. England

**Thirteen Things The Nations Won't Tell You** (But secretly want you to know)

**A/N:** I couldn't resist after seeing all those articles on Yahoo. These take not much time, so here goes.

**Rated K+** for now. Maybe will change upon doing France or Romano, because you know it's impossible to stay rated K with those two.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing :D

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><p><strong>Thirteen Things ENGLAND Won't Tell You<strong>

1. I really hate it when someone adds over a teaspoon full of sugar to his or her tea. It ruins the flavor with all of that sugar, and if you're like that bloody wanker America, you're going to get diabetes someday.

2. If you're France and constantly hitting on me or my people, "get away you perverted frog" means "no" and not "yes" or whatever frog language is for that. Something is wrong with your translator, so you should hurry up and get it fixed.

3. If you ever cross the path between my tea and me, expect a very painful death or war if you are a nation. China would know.

4. No, we do not all have bad teeth and have tea with the queen every day. Shut your trap and stop blabbing about these ridiculous stereotypes.

5. If you are Russia, please know I'm still trying to fix Busby's chair… don't get in my revenge plans because I think they might be to your tastes someday. (I plan on bloody murdering America, so enjoy this while you can.)

6. I can tell the difference between Canada and America, but only if I look closely and am not fuming from something stupid the wanker did earlier. Unfortunately, that is never, so I apologize in advance to you, Canada.

7. If you are Austria and feel up to an aristocratic and friendly debate over a cup of tea or two, simply call me up. I'm ready anytime to have a chat with you. Be advised I'm not in the best of moods these days due to certain idiotic nations always crowding around me.

8. If you are Prussia, I advise that you go find Denmark right now for drinking, because currently I am occupied with my needlework and finishing up this idiotic list.

9. I do realize my recipes and magic sometimes do not always work out quite right… but magic and Flying Mint Bunny are real, and there certainly is no such thing as aliens. I guarantee that disrespectful buddy of America's is a genetically altered drunkard who learned how to construct a bloody saucer.

10. I do not wear Union Jack boxers, contrary to what America or France says. Neither do I wear pink unicorn boxers, though the idea sounds interesting. If you really want to know what I am wearing right now, I fear you will not find out since I intend on locking my door very tight to make sure a Frenchman does not swagger in this very moment offering to teach me about "l'amour" or whatever froggy nonsense he normally spouts.

11. If you are Belarus, please go away. Russia is not here, and I doubt he will ever be here. Perhaps a good place to check is that trapdoor behind the shelf, which Russia thinks he hid well. Flying Mint Bunny told me of that one recently when we went to Moscow for the World Conference.

12. I certainly do not play that idiotic game America showed me a few weeks ago… alright, I admit it. Whoever thought up the idea of a robot unicorn excreting rainbows was not quite right in the head though I do appreciate his creativity.

13. Germany, I offer my condolences about Italy and Prussia's latest escapade. I know what it feels like to be surrounded by morons.

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><p><strong>AN:** Review! :D


	2. China

**A/N:** Here goes China, and thanks for the reviews!

**Rated K+** for now. Maybe will change upon doing France or Romano, because you know it's impossible to stay rated K with those two.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Hetalia. Got it? Good.

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><p><strong>Thirteen Things China Won't Tell You<strong>

1. You know I _can_ end a sentence without adding –aru at the end.

2. If you are America, pay back my debt already, if you let it continue to keep on accumulating, someday you're going to owe more than you can pay back, aru. Actually, you already do, so at least pay some back by now.

3. Russia, stop sneaking into my home with a panda costume on, the joke is really getting old by now. And don't you dare touch Shinatty-chan, go bother Japan or something. He can probably make you miniature sunflowers, aru.

4. If you are England, just watch. Someday you will get what you gave me back, and you have been warned, ahen.

5. I know my villas are all around the world, but I don't think I've been to all of them. I don't really keep track of them, my citizens just randomly start to build them…

6. Japan, I do make my own original games! Don't expect that everything is pirated from you, aru. And it still hurts to think about when you left me, so don't go around rubbing it in my face.

7. Belarus, don't kill me! Every time Russia comes over it's of his own will! In fact, you should keep him on a leash, and he'll bother me less, aru. Yes, that's a good idea.

8. Taiwan, you are not a separate country, you still belong to me, aru. Don't go around getting ideas, no matter how many people believe you are a separate country, I refuse to acknowledge it.

9. If this is South Korea, what can I start with? Please stop claiming Japan and my chests. Don't follow us around everywhere just because you feel lonely. Why don't you find someone not from Asia to be with? Not America though, he still owes me a lot of money, aru.

10. If this is Hong Kong, just ignore England. I know he comes by often and knocks on my door but make sure not to answer it. Because I really don't want to see him before I finish carrying out my plans.

11. Spain, let's trade food sometime. I think we have the best food out of the countries' cooking.

12. If this is France, please go away, aru. There's no need to elaborate further about why.

13. If anyone wants a snack, please visit my home or my villas! One thing I will never be sad to share is my amazing food and culture, aru!

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><p><strong>AN:** Sorry it's not very good for this one, China mainly sticks around his Asia group and the Allies. Rambling from here on, so feel free to leave.

Plus I am Chinese, from Shanghai specifically. And the Taiwan bit, I hope I do not offend anyone. I just stuck that in because there are some people in mainland China who refuse to acknowledge Taiwan as a separate country… personally I don't take a stance on this argument at all, but I assumed China would be against it because, well, more land is more power, right?

I do think Spanish food is awesome, my own little tidbit there, sorry. XD

And us Chinese (Asians in general) will begin our counterattack against spreading American influence… we will infiltrate American culture! (Lol, too bad the Spanish got here first and did it before us. XD)

Review if you wanna suggest who to do next. I'm thinking the Allies first, but I can do the Axis and the others.


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